You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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