i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
