I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I will be naked everywhere
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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