Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
