4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
