I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
