i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
