She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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