He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
