What a fucking waste of an outfit
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and she was petting her beer can
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
