I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
