omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
