What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
