i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
