I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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