Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
