kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
