I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
