I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
