Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
