I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
