Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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