Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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