sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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