Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
