i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
