i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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