porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
