"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
