3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
