I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
