their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
