So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
