allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I want to make a zoo with you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
