i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
