I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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