We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
