He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
