Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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