I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
