We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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