i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
