Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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