My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
