my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
