Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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