I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if only i could text you this smell
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
