just come out here and I will go home with you...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
