and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
