I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
